Leaders do not lead perfect faith-filled lives. They sometimes struggle greatly with God and their circumstances. Sufen Tsai shares a beautiful testimony of her struggle and renewed faith in this post. we hope you will enjoy her story and find encouragement and hope for your personal faith challenges.
Becoming LOVE by Sufen Tsai
I went bankrupt. Faith bankruptcy! I had zero faith to keep following God. The God I knew in the Bible was not the one I experienced in my life. Reading the Word became empty.
God seemed to give me the opposite of what I prayed for. In my mind, God was indifferent, far, far off in the sky, unconcerned with me. He saw my suffering; He could help but chose not to reach out to me. What a ruthless God! I couldn’t bring myself to pray to a God like that. He was silent for about 11 months.
One day seemingly out of nowhere, I desired to read my Bible and pray. I prayed with open eyes, and suddenly I saw that indifferent God appear in the sky. His face started changing, and He was smiling at me! Then He started moving towards me and gave me a powerful HUG. The HUG was so real that physically I could feel it. I could only weep. God was doing something indescribable in me!
Later, a pastor was praying for me and came toward me to give me a hug. The moment he hugged me, I heard a voice say, “I want you to know that the hug I gave you is real.” Again, I could only weep as I felt the same hug God had given me earlier through the pastor, and I knew in my heart His care for me was just as real.
Just like Moses did not search for the burning bush, nor could the 120 disciples have anticipated Pentecost, I could not generate my experience of God. He is the same God of the Old and New Testament and is bigger than our logic or preconceptions can contain. He desires to reveal Himself to each of us in His sovereign way. We can only be open and willing.
My encounter with God was a turning point. God used it to open a door for me to experience His love deeper. I came to love being a part of the ministry because it was the way He gave me to love Him, love myself, and love others. I experienced first hand the scars that come with serving in leadership; I went bankrupt because I lost touch of the God who reveals Himself and works in human hearts. I saw no other choice than to live and minister in my own strength. Now I’m convinced it is impossible to do leadership development well; only God can do it.
God used my role to show me how sinful I was and how desperately I needed Him. He pushed me to the wilderness where He could finally meet me. Now I am rich because this God of power and revelation is my source for my life and for the ministry He entrusted me.
How have you found rich faith after a time of faith bankruptcy?
***Learn more… The Heart of the Leader session on the Leadership Framework page mentions six elements that can help leaders cultivate a full heart of faith, some of which are authenticity, self-awareness, and understanding God’s redemptive love.