{"id":496,"date":"2016-06-13T12:26:43","date_gmt":"2016-06-13T12:26:43","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/www.leadershipframework.org\/?p=496"},"modified":"2024-07-30T17:19:46","modified_gmt":"2024-07-30T21:19:46","slug":"who-are-your-friends","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/www.ldhr.org\/zh_cn\/who-are-your-friends\/","title":{"rendered":"Who are your friends?"},"content":{"rendered":"
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\u201cWho are your friends?\u201d is the first question Dave Dishman (author of \u201cGO<\/a>\u201d) asks when he visits team leaders. I wondered why he did not start with a more \u201cstrategic\u201d conversation, so I asked\u00a0for an explanation. His answer? Dave has seen the relationships of a leader determine his or her well-being and longevity in a role.<\/strong><\/p>

The longest longitudinal study of men known as the Grant Study<\/a> came to a similar conclusion. For over 75 years, Harvard University has tracked and studied the lives of 724 men from different walks of life to discover what keeps them healthy and happy\u00a0throughout life.<\/p>

They studied factors like career success, financial wealth, mental and physical health, a good marriage, supportive friendships, closeness to one\u2019s children, the ability to enjoy work, love, and play.<\/p>

Robert Waldinger, the fourth and current director of the study, shares what he has learned in his 2015\u00a0TED talk<\/a>. \u201cWhat are the lessons that come from the tens of thousands of pages\u00a0of information that we\u2019ve generated\u00a0on these lives?\u00a0Well, the lessons aren\u2019t about wealth or fame or working harder and harder.<\/p>

The clearest message that we get from this 75-year study is this:<\/p>

“Good relationships keep us happier and healthier. Period.\u201d<\/strong><\/em><\/p>

Waldinger concludes his talk with a challenge, \u201cSo what about you?\u00a0Let\u2019s say you\u2019re 25, or you\u2019re 40, or you\u2019re 60.\u00a0What might leaning in to relationships even look like? Well, the possibilities are practically endless.\u00a0It might be something as simple as replacing screen time with people time\u00a0or livening up a stale relationship by doing something new together,\u00a0long walks or\u00a0date nights,\u00a0or reaching out to that family member who you haven\u2019t spoken to in years,\u00a0because those all-too-common family feuds\u00a0take a terrible toll\u00a0on the people who hold the grudges….<\/p>

“<\/span>The good life is built with good relationships.\u201d<\/strong><\/p>

Relationship is the arena in which our character and emotional well-being show up. Good questions to ask: Am I growing in the fruit of the Spirit: love, joy, peace, patience, goodness, kindness, gentleness and self-control? Am I growing in grace? \u00a0Am I becoming more aware of how much God loves me? \u00a0Am I able to extend that to others? How do others experience me — that I am “for them” or that I am judgmental? \u00a0Am I growing in truth? In compassion? In empathy? Am I learning to yield control? Do I have courage, humility and vulnerability to ask forgiveness when I am wrong?<\/p>

Research makes this clear. As a leader, you must invest in relationships for your own health and for the progress of the mission.<\/p>

What is one key relationship in your family or team you want to strengthen or restore? \u00a0<\/strong>What step can you take today to start that process?<\/strong><\/em><\/p>

***Learn more… The Relationships of a Leader<\/a>\u00a0<\/span>session on the Leadership Framework page helps you build healthy, authentic, loving relationships through knowing, listening, responding, and feedback. Check it out!<\/span><\/p>

Write me at steve.morgan @ cru.org<\/a> if you have any questions or leave a comment!<\/p>